The Insecurities.

I can say that I feel insecure 24/7. Blogging; read what people write. Reading through their emotions, thoughts; I can't help myself comparing me and them. Brilliant, unexpected, amazing. It doesn't matter anymore really even I don't have many friends. I can rely on something like this to open up a bit and see the world through. Maybe that's why I'd like to going online for hours, whenever I had a chance to do so. I don't have money to buy books; not merely books but books with something worth valuable the pennies that I've spent. I rarely buy books, really. So I googled a lot. Random things, searching for random brilliant articles, random facts. I know people who read a lot would behave like they really did. And people who think would act according to what they have decided or believed as the best of all choices. 

In my case, I always do things without much thinking. There are certain times when I had to think before I do something but I didn't. Because being me actually needs me to think clearly in any situations. I am not wise. And I can't even blurt out any good comments or thoughts randomly. That is just not me. 

Being 21 and acting all around like a bimbo really makes me want to commit a suicide. All these years I thought being childish is cute and saved me from terminal brain damage due to serious thinking but hell no. I look stupid. 

Despite being a mature lady, I killed myself by being a bimbo.